I’ve bought quite a few arty books and magazines over the years. Books filled with lots of inspiration and techniques. A couple of them had a very cheesy “giving yourself permission” type of page.
You may have seen them. “I give myself permission to create/make a mess/be my authentic self….” etc. I always thought they were a bit daft.
“Do what you love” is something you see everywhere. But I’m going to admit that recently I have felt that what I love is really rubbish…lol. Whatever I try I’m always drawn back to collage. I feel it’s rubbish. Not when other people do but when I do it. It feels like I’m pretending to be artistic.
I love collages that other artists do. I think their imaginations and inspirations are amazing and I can look at peoples work for hours.
When I do it, it feels like I’m cheating. It’s easy and I’m having so much fun! My Etsy shop and blog has been through many incarnations and the only time I made sales was with my collages. Shouldn’t I be happy about that? I wasn’t because I felt like I was cheating. I wanted to tell people that all I’d done was cut out pictures and stick them together. My customers weren’t stupid, they knew that. But I still felt like a fraud. A fraud who looked at other artists’ collages and saw art, but couldn’t see it in mine.
Recently I’ve tried to do other things but I can’t get away from collage and I’m still learning Photoshop and having so much fun and I have so many ideas. I keep remembering a conversation with an artist on holiday in Wales a few back who told me to find my thing and “do it with Conviction!” she was so passionate she almost shouted it at me.
I think it’s all about intention and conviction. I’m intending to create art with conviction. I’m doing the cheesy thing and giving myself permission!
I’ve read enough blogs and spoken to enough artists to know that we’ll always feel insecure or even fraudulent. It won’t go away. But I’ll be doing what I love.